Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
