Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We have so much sex to catch up on
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
