my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
