Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
