Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
