All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
