I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
