I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
