I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
