My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
