I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
