Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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