Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize