The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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