the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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