I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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