She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
