Your dad touched me again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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