Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
