Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
