I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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