Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
