Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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