Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
