That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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