So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
