Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
