all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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