a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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