if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
