Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
