Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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