the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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