I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
