Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
