Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize