"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
