apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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