My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Your cock deserves a montage
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
