Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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