I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
