It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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