He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
