I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
