please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
