Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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