What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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