Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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