I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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