Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Randomize
