apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
