I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
