my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
