my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
