maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
