I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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