I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
