I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
