he puts the penis in happiness.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I want a musical about memes.
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