Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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