Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize