I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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