i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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