sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize