i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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