Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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