He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
