Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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