I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
