Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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