so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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