I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
