Me too!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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