I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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